The Tale of The Princess Kaguya

"The Tale of The Princess Kaguya" is a watercolor illustration brought to life by Studio Ghibli. I was in awe of the work, so much so that I would pause the movie at times and stare at the beautiful illustration, and hit Play to see it move as if by magic. Who knew it would take me 3 hours to watch a 2 hour 17 minute movie!

The style of animation is different from traditional hand-drawn animations, wherein the background and characters are drawn separately. This movie was made by uniting the background and the characters into one beautiful picture, giving us the impression of a beautiful watercolor in motion.

This delightful piece of art is based on a 10th century Japanese folk tale. A bamboo cutter discovers a small child inside a glowing bamboo shoot and takes her home to raise her as his own. He sees signs that she is to be a princess and builds a mansion for her in the capital, with the gold he finds while cutting down bamboo stalks. Kaguya finds this new role of princess irksome and stifling as she realizes that being a princess is much more than wearing beautiful silks and frolicking in her mansion. Frustrated by the limits enforced on her freedom, she yearns to go back to her home: the Moon. The Moon hears her plea, and down come celestial beings singing and playing musical instruments. The chief angel cloaks her with the robe which makes Princess Kaguya forget all about her earthly existence. Her silken scarf sways gently behind her as if to bid farewell.

Accompanied by the beautiful songs, this movie was a feast for all the senses. Every syllable is beautifully articulated, you can almost see the singers' lips change shape, feel the vocal cords strain. Watch it in Japanese with English subtitles, the English-dubbed version pales compared to the original, as per usual.

The Tale of the Princess Kaguya was the result of 8 years of hard work. And what an absolute pleasure to watch! The scenes, sounds and emotions lingered with me even after the credits rolled in and the screen went blank. Here I go again, dreaming of tender bamboo shoots.

Natsamrat

Today marked my foray into Marathi movies! Sure, I've watched some at home, but this was my first Marathi movie in a theater and it didn't disappoint. The movie was Natsamrat, based on an iconic 1970 play of the same name. The play was written by eminent Marathi writer V.V Shirwadkar (Kusumagraj). Nana Patekar plays the role of Ganpat Belwalkar 'Natsamrat', originally essayed by Dr. Shriram Lagoo.

Natsamrat is the story of a Shakespearian theatre actor who's tasted success and fame. His scathing wit, unabashed humor and sensitive nature which charmed everyone end up costing his family and sanity, ironically so. Yes, the premise is grim: the downfall of a successful theatre veteran. The trajectory of our 'Natsamrat' is predictable. But what made this movie interesting were the gems of dialogues strewn in every scene and the stellar performances of the actors.

I wish I could pause the movie and replay every line narrated by Nana Patekar so that I could recite them like verses of one's favorite poem. I was dabbing at my tears now and then, watching the plight of the protagonist. One of my favorite parts was the scene where Nana arrives drunk at his daughter's wedding anniversary party. He rants about the pleasures of intoxication and behaves inappropriately with his son in law's boss. Yet the next day he is told that everyone was thoroughly entertained by his performance and were asking for a copy of the 'poem' he recited last night. Such was his charm!

As for the performances, it goes without saying that Nana Patekar reprised the protagonist's role with aplomb. Medha Manjrekar played the role of the loving wife; Vikram Gokhale, Mrunmayee Deshpande, Sunil Barve and Ajit Parab essayed the roles of his children and in-laws.

Natsamrat is a wonderful concoction of great acting and dialogues which leaves you intoxicated. Do stay in your seats while the credits are rolling to watch the spell binding monologue delivered by the Natsamrat. I shall be watching it again, and try to memorize the exquisite poetry that was this movie.

Spirited Away

I've been drawn to anything and everything Japanese for a while now. It started with Made in Japan by Akio Morita, followed by Jiro dreams of Sushi and a book about Hello Kitty. And the latest entrant: Spirited Away.



If you plan on watching it, watch it in HD with English sub titles. The English dubbed version loses the charm and the natural flow of the original movie.

I was mesmerized by the trembling cellophane that the flowers were wrapped in. Yes, cellophane paper cast a spell on me. Spirited Away follows Chihiro in her journey through a strange land in search of her parents. The graphics are utterly beautiful, drawn in incredible detail. You can feel yourself shudder as the wispy spirits pass by Chihiro on the bridge.

There's a lot to say about the spirits! They're creepy, definitely. Their creepiness lies in their inscrutability. Their bland faces don't reveal much, it's hard to decide whether to trust them or not. The strangest Spirit is No Face, who Chihiro keeps encountering. No Face has a mask and is cloaked in wispy blackness and simply stares at Chihiro from time to time. Cue creepy music.

Chihiro meets Haku, a boy of her age, who acts like a guide. You don't realize till the end that they're in love with each other. It's a beautiful kind of love, where they don't adhere to the standard holding hands and romancing stuff. They just do stuff for each other.

Spirited Away portrays greed, love, sacrifice, loneliness and goodness through Chihiro and the various characters she encounters in this dreamy journey. Not only is it a visual delight, it's a feast for all the senses! The music and the background score up the magic quotient. Keep your tissues handy!

Minions

What's yellow, pill-shaped and talks gibberish?
No, not your 4 year old niece in a minion costume. Sheesh!

Minions! Everyone loves 'em. They're cute. They make you laugh with their minion-talk, a language which vaguely sounds like a 'proper' language and then you realize they're just messing with ya.

It made me realize that 'banana' is such a weird word. Ba-na-na.

To begin with, I wasn't expecting much from the movie, the movie would probably just cash in on their cuteness and funny gibberish and add a bunch of gags. Which was pretty much true.

My movie-watching experience was sullied by the presence of an audience. I had to ignore the stranger who kept repeating whatever the minions said. I was chastised by the guy on my right for checking my phone. The guy to my left offered me his business card which had an 'O' emblazoned on it in red and the other side read "We specialize in Feet. And Potatoes". Remind me to never set foot in that theater again.

So here's how the movie goes: a bunch of minions on the search for their evil leader. Behold Scarlet Overkill (voiced by Sandra Bullock), their new Evil leader! The minions' new assignment: Steal the crown from the Queen of England for Scarlet. Things go awry when Bob pulls out the Excalibur and is crowned as King of England! Scarlet is enraged at this betrayal and strives for revenge. Bob eventually abdicates in favor of Scarlet. Then stuff happens and the Queen reclaims her Crown. Pepper this with a bunch of funny scenes.

Watching it in 3D didn't add any value to the movie. Sure, the glitter looked real, some things popped out of the screen. Nothing special.

It's hard to imagine the minions carrying the weight of an entire movie on their yellow, pudgy shoulders. The movie flounders in parts where the yellow buggers are without a non-minion counterpart. It made me yearn for Gru and his three adorable daughters.

I missed you Agnes.

Mad Max: Fury Road

WARNING: SELF PITY AHEAD!!

I've never watched a movie in the theater by myself. But this week, I was filled with a strange sense of rage and loser-feelings. I was convinced that I had zero friends because I could get none of them to hang out with me. And when some friends would make plans, I'd refuse them because the neurons in my brain would defuse and pop and crackle and send signals to headquarters and then it would make my vocal chords emit something that sounded like "NO".

So here began my quest for:
Things To Do When You Have No Friends.

"Go watch a movie alone!" was a common theme among the results that popped up as I Googled it.

Here's the conversation between me and My Inner Self Filled With Rage Due to Loser Feelings.

Me: Watch a movie in the theater all by myself?? That's such a loser thing to do!
My Inner Self Filled With Rage Due to Loser Feelings: Do you mean to say that you aren't a loser?
Me: Well, I am a loser. But that doesn't mean that I should do loser things!
MISFWRDLF: You're a fucking loser and I hereby order you to do loser things. In fact I'm making a list of loser things I want you to do. Googling "List of loser things" didn't yield the results I wanted but I know I'll get there.
Me: Hmmm
MISFWRDLF: Don't "Hmmm" me! Losers Hmmm! Oh, wait. Do that. Let me add that to my Loser List. Wait, what were we talking about?
Me: Watching a movie.
MISFWRDLF: Yeah, go watch that movie or I'll pick some stupid brain-dead Hindi crap and make you watch it.
Me: Please don't do that. I'll go watch a movie in the theater.
MISFWRDLF: Good. Go do your loser stuff, you loser.

So there I was, with my 3D glasses, marinating in my loser feelings. Watching Mad Max.

SELF PITY ENDS HERE. YOU'RE WELCOME.

Proceed with caution: Because spoilers. But no loser feelings anymore. They're there but not ahead in this post.

Mad Max. Mad Max! Here I was, a lone woman, scanning the crowd. Mostly male, with a sprinkling of girls who were accompanying their boyfriends.

I was reveling in the strangeness of it, I hate action. I hate desert scenes.  And here I was, watching a post apocalyptic action movie set in a dusty, gritty desert-like landscape.

The plot is fairly straightforward. The story feels organic, the series of events progress naturally. Somehow, even the weirdness woven in seems natural. Mad Max being used as a "Blood Bag" for Vux, a white-hued weird character who is a "War Boy" doesn't seem strange in this land. The director George Miller doesn't use the standard Hollywood action movie trope. There are no damsels in distress, nor is a hero out to save her (Can one call the five wives of bad guy "Immortan Joe" as damsels in distress if the hero is female? Can one call them damsels if they're actively trying to escape from Joe's clutches?) No explicit "message". No eye candy. Well, the five wives sure are pretty to look at, but they're bad-ass too.

Another surprise: Mad Max wasn't about Mad Max at all. Max was simply the guy who said very little (well, everyone in the movie ration their words) barring for grunts. It should have been called Ferocious Feminist (gasp! I used the F-word!) Furiosa or something.

The thumping metal rock background score definitely deserves a mention. To call it a background score would be wrong, though. There was a guy with a flame-throwing guitar, suspended to a contraption embedded with amplifiers. And drums as accompaniment. Because every warring maniac needs a travelling rock band with guitar flame-throwers to get the adrenaline pumping. Of course.

The dusty, gritty landscape was a sight to behold. Delicious, chewy grit. Mmmm.

And of course, the mad machines! As eccentric and weird as the drivers themselves! Rickety, yet mean and powerful. Every scene was a fight scene. My favorite was when the War Boys are attached to the end of javelin-like structures, balanced with a weight on the other end so that they can swoop down on the enemy. Like bait at the end of a fishing rod. Bait that's going to beat the crap out of you.

Oh what a day. What a lovely day to watch this movie.

In Bad Taste

Do we always have to be tasteful? Do we really need to be well turned out, in impeccable clothes?
This quote by Diana Vreeland got me thinking:

“A little bad taste is like a nice splash of paprika. We all need a splash of bad taste—it’s hearty, it’s healthy, it’s physical. I think we could use more of it. No taste is what I’m against.”

Remember Björk's swan dress?

Björk in her unforgettable swan gown at the 2001 Academy Awards. #VFOscars

A photo posted by Vanity Fair (@vanityfair) on Feb 20, 2013 at 11:09am PST

A HUGE dose of paprika, perhaps. But look where the dress landed, at MoMA, one of the most influential museums of modern art in the world. Does that elevate it to the status of good taste? Perhaps not.

But one should remember this, every Björk swan has it's day.
Also, paprika. And stuff.

The Internet Cat Phenomenon

Cats.
Internet cats.

"Woke up like this"

"Contemplating"

Why is the internet still obsessed with cats. I thought the cat meme/ picture/ video/ vine thing would die its natural death and the internet would move on to the next new thing. But Grumpy Cat is proof enough that the Internet Cat Phenomenon is still a thing.

I was on the cover of @LuckyMagazine once. It was awful.

A photo posted by Grumpy Cat (@realgrumpycat) on Apr 1, 2015 at 10:15am PDT

Are cats the new celebrities with their narcissistic tendencies and love for the camera? Are we going back to the times when Egyptians used to worship cats?

 Over to you, Wiki

Praised for controlling vermin and its ability to kill snakes such as cobras, the domesticated cat became a symbol of grace and poise. The goddess Mafdet, the deification of justice and execution, was a lion-headed goddess. The cat goddess Bast (also known as Bastet) eventually replaced Mafdet, and Bast's image softened over time and she became the deity representing protection, fertility, and motherhood.

That makes sense. Cats were useful creatures, killing snakes and vermin and keeping your house pest-free. But we don't have that problem now, we have pest control to take care of that!

Now that the Ancient Egypt Cat Goddess angle has been eliminated, what could be the reason behind our obsession with Internet Cats? Why are cats breaking the internet?

Breaking the internet. That reminds me of Kim Kardashian, another enigma. Nope, that's not it. Cats don't name their kid after a direction.

It has something to do with celebrities. I know it.

What do cats have that celebrities don't? A sense of mystery, that's what. We're bombarded with celebrity news. We follow them on social media. We know what Neil Patrick Harris eats.

So I ask David if he wouldn't mind making me a quick sandwich, and this is what he serves. I'm one lucky M'er F'er. #grateful

A photo posted by Neil Patrick Harris (@instagranph) on Aug 19, 2014 at 8:19pm PDT

Cats. The new celebrities who want nothing to do with humans and will never share pictures of cat food (mainly due to lack of opposable thumbs)

Humans. Hungry for sources of social rejection. Suckers for 'mystery' and stuff.

"Empowerment"

Empowerment of Women. This video, apparently. Judge for yourself.

All I can see is juvenile teenage rebellion. It doesn't talk about empowering women. The way one dresses, who one chooses to sleep with (or not): in no way are these signs of empowerment. One may argue that this is a video produced by Vogue, a lifestyle and fashion magazine, and that one shouldn't expect it to handle heavy issues like liberation for women. If such is the case, shame on Vogue for packaging this crap as a "Women's Empowerment" video and misleading the viewers.

Fashion has nothing to do with empowerment! Or does it.

What is empowerment, really? It's all about being stronger and confident, especially in controlling one's life and claiming one's rights.

Here are some ladies in fashion:

1. Alek Wek
    She's been an inspiration to countless women (including Lupita Nyong'o) who've been                     uncomfortable in their own skin. Not considered a conventional beauty with her dark skin, tiny booty and short natural hair; yet she has never thought of herself as otherwise. Read her interview here.

2. Winnie Harlow
     The model with vitiligo. She's been bullied and ridiculed, but that didn't stop her from proving her naysayers wrong. This teenager now models for top fashion brands.

#theobservermagazine #bts @hotoblack art in motion

A photo posted by ♔Chantelle Winnie♔ (@winnieharlow) on Feb 14, 2015 at 10:05am PST

There are many more inspirational women from all walks of life. 

Sure, the Vogue video featured shots of Nimrat Kaur, Adhuna Akhtar and Anupama Chopra to name a few. But they were merely extras in the movie, disjointed from the nonsense commentary. I'd prefer something which actually touches upon the subject, not this well-produced piece of white noise.

    

I'm not a 10 year old boy but I like Adventure Time

I'm not a 10 year old boy who likes Cartoon Network and video games. Wait, do 10 year old boys like Cartoon Network? Have they moved on to girls? I don't know what 10 year old boys like. I don't think I know any 10 year old boys. What age are my nephews? I don't know. There's so much I don't know!!!

So, Adventure Time. I'm a 24 year old, er, woman and I like Adventure Time. I'm a fan. I might even write fan fic.

My favorite episode, you ask? Jake the Brick. Poignant, simple and turns my heart into a warm smushy puddle.

Don't let the boring preview fool you, sit back and watch the episode in its entirety to turn your heart into a warm smushy puddle too!

This episode has almost every Adventure Time character listening in on Jake's monologue of the goings on in the wild, where he affixes himself onto a crumbling brick shack as a part of his "mystical journey or whatever" as Finn puts it. It doesn't have any awesome fights or adventures, it's quite the opposite of standard Adventure Time fare. Maybe that's the reason I love it so much.

I wish I could watch AT with some kid. A neighbor's daughter dropped by and all she wanted to watch was Oggy and the Cockroaches!! I tried to convince her to watch AT, but Oggy is all she wanted. 4 year old girls can be so stubborn.  

Lynn Yaeger: Candidate for Adventure Time Princess

via BoF

Lynn Yaeger. Writer for Vogue, wearer of multiple skirts and distinctive makeup. Oh, and not to forget the flaming closely cropped hair.

I first read about her in Business of Fashion.
Such an interesting personality! I tried to dig up more about her, after landing up on the disappointingly short Wikipedia page!

I dug deeper, and learnt that she has Prosopagnosia, also called face blindness. Read about Lynn's experience with it here.

I began to wonder if she adorns herself the way she does as a manifestation of her difficulty in recognizing faces. She's set markers for others to "help" them recognize her. This isn't an original thought, though. She's wondered about this herself.

I've been obsessed with Adventure Time, and couldn't help but wonder how amazing it would be to have a caricature of her on my beloved cartoon show! As a princess, no less!

Mon chat

My cat died and I'm feeling awful.
Well, okay, I lied.
I don't have a cat. And my non-existent cat did not die.
Well, it did. I certainly feel like it did. If I had a cat and it died, I'd feel like I do now.
Or not.
I don't like cats. So I wouldn't feel like crap if it decided to fucking die on me.
Or maybe I would. I wouldn't have a cat if I didn't like him.
So yes, my cat died and I feel terrible.

Deep breath.
(Some sobbing while listening to sad music)

I really loved my cat, you know? He understood me so well, and sometimes not at all. He never knew how to cheer me up but I was glad he tried. He loved me so much and I loved him too. I still do. Even if he decided to fucking die on me.

I don't know if I'll love a cat as much as I loved him. No cat could replace him.

Sir Ramsay, I hope Cat Heaven is treating you well. 

Write something, anything!

Okay, I'm going to be brave today and write something. I will not close this window because I have nothing to say. I shall be Kim Kardashian*. Minus the sex tape. And Kanye West.

Woot!

I shall also be French. Because Garance Doré. 

That reminds me, I need to brush up on my french. Duolingo, you foxy owl, you. 

When in doubt, list it

So, I'll be reading a bunch of stuff and writing about it every day occasionally this week
Here are the titles of my future posts:

1. Potato Salad Kickstarter 

2. The reproductive system of a kangaroo

3. The Quit-your-job-and-do-what-you-love wave

4. The perfect recipe for viral content
5. "Be yourself" and other moronic things people say
6. Bees
7. Why I don't use Facebook (I know, done to death. But I want to whine about Facebook too!)

This strip explains my relationship with that pesky social networking website.

I signed up for Facebook because I did want to cultivate interpersonal relationships. Also, I wanted to become less island-ey. But then, out of nowhere, stupid cats popped up in my news feed. So did selfies taken by narcissistic girls and the stupid comments accompanying them. And those typos!

Guess number 7 on my list is done! That sure was easy!

*I shall embrace my air-headed bimbo persona and write something positively frothy and thoughtless, in effect creating nothing out of nothing. 

Trying to Cut out the Clutter, but Cats!

Look, cat!

thbbthtt

Yes, I have nothing to write and I just want to fill up empty space.

One would think that one would have plenty to write about, what with The Internet doing a good job of being The Internet. That reminds me. Behold, Paul Otlet who catalogs Stuff

Or is it all The Internet's fault? (I love calling it The Internet, sounds ominous, no?) Is my mind cluttered with the endless barrage of tweets and updates and posts and feeds? (I don't use Twitter or Facebook, but I like to say Tweet) Is my brain running out of space, with mindless Tumblr cats replacing important information like anniversaries and birthdays of loved ones (One anniversary and two birthdays forgotten this year, not counting the ones I clean forgot, of course ) and remembering to wear pants before I go out.

So, I shall cut down the clutter and remove all that senseless noise from my brain (I shall be retaining the no-nonsense lady who resides in my head, who tries to keep me from spewing nonsense. Because she's been doing a bad job so far and I like mocking her )

Well, maybe tomorrow. Because science! Lifehacker told me to look at cute animals to be more productive. Here's the study that says so.

I'm incorrigible.

Animals. Also, Essays on Coffee Cups

Today, an ode to animals and what they can teach us!
Presenting, dog:



And next:
Sample Little Dog's Rhapsody in the Night, by Mary Oliver:

He puts his cheek against mine
and makes small, expressive sounds.
And when I'm awake, or awake enough

he turns upside down, his four paws
in the air
and his eyes dark and fervent.

Tell me you love me, he says.

Tell me again.

Could there be a sweeter arrangement?
Over and over 
he gets to ask it. 
I get to tell.

I have no words for Tim Flach's website

I do have words for this, though. I was getting tired of reading the backs of ketchup bottles/ cereal boxes when I had nothing to read at breakfast. Have you felt the utter hopelessness of not having anything to read when you're eating out by yourself? Of course, assuming that you've misplaced your smartphone. Plagued by the same misery, author Jonathan Safran Foer started the "Cultivating Thought" project which has original essays by writers printed onto cups and bags of Chipotle, a Mexican fast food chain.

via Vanity Fair

It did spark a few debates, you can read one here.

Pictures, Emma Stone, and Love (alternate title: I don't know what the heck I'm writing about)

I don't like taking pictures. I hate being the subject of a picture. I'm the girl who stiffens up and gets awkward when she gets photographed. When I see something beautiful and/ or strange, my first instinct isn't to take a picture of it. I just gape open-mouthed at said object of beauty.

And if you know me well (and I doubt you do. Heck, even I don't know myself well!), I'm going to analyze the crap out of this fault of mine.

So behold, dear readers:

Why I hate being photographed and why I hate photographing stuff:

Why I hate being photographed

1. I'm deeply insecure about my looks. There, I said it.

That's the only reason, really.

And about my next pet peeve:

Why I hate photographing stuff:

1. I don't see the need of taking pictures when I know that I won't peruse them later anyway.

2. A picture is just a two dimensional representation, and I'd rather feel the experience, smell it, breathe it in, look for tiny irrelevant details and mull over it than waste time in snapping a picture of it.

I hate it when I stop writing halfway, but I think this guy explains what I want to say quite well. But please don't go to his Wikipedia page, he is a little cuckoo. But who isn't?

Don't take a selfie, draw a self-portrait instead. 

But please do take pictures if you have a Fujifilm Finepix S200EXR camera and your name is Vyacheslav Mishchenko. 

Presenting, adorable snails!

And now that I'm on a link sharing spree, I have got to share this video too.

And another (somebody stop me!)

And something about love.

Quite the sucker for love, I am.

How to fall in Love with Cats

Cat taking a selfie

There, I've bowed down to the internet and posted cat pictures. Are you happy, Internet gods?

More fabulous cats (with a bit of fashion sprinkled here and there) here

For some reason, I've been trying to fall in love with cats. Everyone loves cats, and I'm passive towards them. There must be something wrong with me. To fix that wrong, I'm on a journey to find my Inner Cat Goddess and love her.

I Googled "How do I fall in love with cats?" And, well, I didn't really get what I was looking for. So people don't actually try to fall in love with cats and it simply happens?

Maybe I should try another Google search, "How do I fall in love with humans?" and that led me to this WikiHow page. Now all I have to do is replace "person" with "cats"!

There are three parts to "How to fall in love":

1. Finding the right person cat.
2. Developing the relationship.
3. Building a lasting connection.

I'll cover one part in each post.
So here goes:

Part 1: Finding the right person cat

      1.  Bolster your self esteem

            "To fall in love and find the right person you must first have confidence and love invested in yourself." 

Love yourself: check. This is going to be so easy.

     

      2.  Consider why you want to fall in love

             "There's no right answer for why you want to fall in love, but there are some reasons that aren't good and that indicate a deeper problem. A few reasons to fall in love that aren't good: you are feeling lonely or think you need your self-esteem bolstered by someone else (this will make you take any relationship you get, which will lead to problems later), all your friends are in relationships, you believe you need to have a relationship to be happy. These are all symptoms of deeper problems that won't be cured by entering into a relationship." 

I want to fall in love with cats on a whim. That's not wrong. Is it? I'm almost sure it isn't wrong.

      3.  Consider what you are looking for 

             "No, don't make a list of exact specifications detailing the hair color, job, schooling level, and personality of your potential significant other. You're not going to ever find an exact match, but you should acknowledge the basics of what you're looking for."

Now the sudden realization hits me that this falling in love with cats thing isn't as simple as replacing "person" with "cat". But I've invested so much time into this so I'm going to see this through.

I'm looking for a cat that won't bite or claw me. Also, I'd appreciate it if she didn't aim hairballs at me. That's all.

      4.  Meet people cats

            "Of course, to be able to find someone with whom to fall in love, you're going to need to go out and meet people. This doesn't mean you have to be a big party animal, or that you have to do things that you're not entirely comfortable with, but it's a good idea to at least try and get out of your comfort zone a little bit."

People who have cats! I can always hang out with them (cats and humans) at their homes

      5.  Open yourself to new possibilities

            "Doing things that you might not otherwise have done can help foster a sense of excitement for you, as well as take you outside your comfort zone to meet different kinds of people."

I can do some cat-sitting, it's way out of my comfort zone.

      6.  Give things time

             "Even if you've been going to parties and your friends have been introducing you to plenty of fun, attractive people, you should still expect the process to take some time. Be patient. It can take years to find the right person. Along the way, you may find people that you think are right for you, but turn out not to be. Use these opportunities as learning experiences. Eventually, you'll get a sense for the kind of person you're looking for."

Now I'm really beginning to see how my replace-person-with-cats-in-a-WikiHow-article- for-falling-in-love approach was so wrong. I hereby declare that Parts 2 and 3 are cancelled. I'm sorry, dear readers.

To make up for my fickle mindedness, here are some adorable cats!

I hate paparazzi!

What did you just say, deplorable human?

Hipster cat

It's Monday already?!

Mantis Shrimp and Geeky a capella

Colors! I didn't think that colors were so mysterious and fascinating till I heard this podcast from Radiolab. It opened my mind to so many ideas. That a Mantis shrimp can see more colors than a human can. I looked it up, and this shrimp seems so bad-ass.

Mantis shrimp, I love you. I love you so much that I want to eat you. (Wait, we can eat them, right? Google says yes. Yay!)
I was going to write a bunch of facts I dug out about this sexy sea creature, but this motherfucker seems to have a fan club. And The Oatmeal has written an eloquent love letter for it.
But I wanted to write a love letter too!
I'm going to draw some blood (mine) and express my love in blood. Beat that, Oatmeal!
I'm new to this bloody love letter thing. How does one go about it?

Here are my options:

1. Prick a finger and finger-write a love letter
It's easy, but might look stalker-ish and amateurish. I don't want my mantis shrimp to think of me as an odd-ball. (Not that writing a letter in blood makes me appear less weird.)

2. Use blood as ink:
I have a whole load of questions about this one:
a. Is my blood viscous enough?
b. Is it too viscous to flow freely onto the paper?
c. What sort of nib should I use?
d. How much blood will I need?
e. How fast should I write before the blood begins to clot?
f. Won't the letter smell rusty when the blood dries out?

I didn't know writing a bloody love letter would be so complicated!

Oh, I'm going off track. What was I talking about? Colors! I'm going to read The Iliad and The Odyssey again to see if Homer did use weird colors to describe stuff. Or maybe I should just believe the guy on the podcast.

And Radiolab introduced me to this guy! He made me wish I were a science geek, just so that I could enjoy his a capella thingy more. I didn't understand most of it, but it sure had me entertained! And it has an Einstein sock puppet! Anything which has an Einstein sock puppet is bound to be awesome.



And that led me to his Rolling in the deep parody. Again, didn't understand much. But this one was pretty awesome too. (I hate that word. And I don't know why I keep using it. I need to find some alternatives to awesome)

A Review of a Movie I haven't watched- Shuddh Desi Romance

I don't know why I'm here. I have nothing to write. I'm drawing a blank here.

So here's a load of links! Happy clicking, bitches.

Bee Orchid comic thingy
Paper sculpture awesomeness
Deep stuff about love and passion

Oh, wait. I can write a movie review. So there's Zanjeer and Shuddh Desi Romance. I'll go with Shuddh Desi Romance. Because I don't know what "zanjeer" means. 

But there is one tiny problem. I haven't watched the movie. But I won't let that stop me! I have seen the promos. That's all I need, right? Who wants to watch a shitty movie and then write a review about it? That's so lame. Anybody can do that. So here goes.

The best part of the movie-going experience is popcorn. The popcorn had the right balance of crunchiness and thermocoleyness. Good start.

 The man sitting next to me was quite the fun guy. We kept nudging each other when the movie got boring and had a round of elbow pushing. And you know how men sit with their legs open, taking up too much of leg space. I wanted some leg space too. So there was a lot of foot-fighting too. And then he'd guffaw at an unfunny joke. Not to be outdone, I'd try to out-decibel his laughter. I won. Mostly because he didn't know it was a Who-can-laugh-the-loudest-at-the-shitty-joke contest. At the end of the movie, we exchanged numbers and promised to go on a movie date. I'm waiting for your call, movie date guy!

The movie is about a pleasantly plump girl whose dream is to marry Prince Charming and to dry clothes with him on the terrace. Enter Sushant Rajput, the stubbled and vested desi Prince Charming. He's the local bad-ass who has an umbrella fetish. He sees an umbrella and his man part gives a standing ovation. Neon green umbrellas are his favorite.

Our plump heroine (Parineeti Chopra, I guess) is always prepared. She always carries an umbrella (which happens to be a bright neon green. What are the odds of that happening?) with her. It's quite predictable really, plump girl gets caught in an unexpected shower, opens neon green umbrella, Sushant gets an erection. How romantic. Oh, and he never wastes an erection. They get freaky on the terrace (in the rains. Really sizzling sex scene. Highly recommended. Made me rain.)

Everything's hunk dory till the second bitch comes into his life. This time, with an even brighter and greener umbrella than the one Parineeti owns. This Sushant character is torn between the two. Plump girl is really amazing in the sack, and second bitch has a sexy bright neon green umbrella. The movie's about the conflict between his love for mind blowing sex and his fetish for neon green umbrellas.

Will sex triumph over fetish? Who will our desi vested hero choose?

(He chooses plump girl. Plump girl steals second bitch's neon green umbrella. And they lived happily ever after. Now you don't need to watch the movie. You're welcome.)

Reams of Rhymes

On News (and why I'm not worldly wise)
News, why are you so dark and cryptic?
Always quoting statistics of death and people sick
All I ask for is an unbiased report, not death and fear
So I could peruse you, and worldly wise I would appear


On Single kids (the ones with no siblings, not those without a boyfriend/ girlfriend)
Single kids, mysteries to me they are
How do they live, without being at war
With siblings, one or even two
Even shows of affection out of the blue
And indulging in food fights too.

My Mind, the Empty Petrol Tank
My mind, the seat of cognition, 'tis blank
Dark, Cold and Empty, like a petrol tank.
I twist and turn for a spark in my head, 
A howling wind I hear instead.

Lizards are weird and awesome 

Lizards, those creepy crawlies
Why do they give me the heebie jeebies?
They're just mini-snakes with legs
Whom I could befriend, after downing a few pegs.

Blegh

I think that something's just not fine
I've run out of stuff that rhyme
You may have to wait till tomorrow
While I search for a rhyme I could borrow.

The seeds of a Big Dose of Self-Loving

She claims that she doesn't care
She, with the cascade of curly (I say wavy!) hair
Her dimples peep out now and then
Winking and disappearing again
I was too rapt in writing odes to thee
But now I shall pen odes to me
(I shall treat myself to some self loving
Because I'm tired of simply giving).