Thursday, September 19, 2013

Mantis Shrimp and Geeky a capella

Colors! I didn't think that colors were so mysterious and fascinating till I heard this podcast from Radiolab. It opened my mind to so many ideas. That a Mantis shrimp can see more colors than a human can. I looked it up, and this shrimp seems so bad-ass.

Mantis shrimp, I love you. I love you so much that I want to eat you. (Wait, we can eat them, right? Google says yes. Yay!)
I was going to write a bunch of facts I dug out about this sexy sea creature, but this motherfucker seems to have a fan club. And The Oatmeal has written an eloquent love letter for it.
But I wanted to write a love letter too!
I'm going to draw some blood (mine) and express my love in blood. Beat that, Oatmeal!
I'm new to this bloody love letter thing. How does one go about it?

Here are my options:

1. Prick a finger and finger-write a love letter
It's easy, but might look stalker-ish and amateurish. I don't want my mantis shrimp to think of me as an odd-ball. (Not that writing a letter in blood makes me appear less weird.)

2. Use blood as ink:
I have a whole load of questions about this one:
a. Is my blood viscous enough?
b. Is it too viscous to flow freely onto the paper?
c. What sort of nib should I use?
d. How much blood will I need?
e. How fast should I write before the blood begins to clot?
f. Won't the letter smell rusty when the blood dries out?

I didn't know writing a bloody love letter would be so complicated!

Oh, I'm going off track. What was I talking about? Colors! I'm going to read The Iliad and The Odyssey again to see if Homer did use weird colors to describe stuff. Or maybe I should just believe the guy on the podcast.

And Radiolab introduced me to this guy! He made me wish I were a science geek, just so that I could enjoy his a capella thingy more. I didn't understand most of it, but it sure had me entertained! And it has an Einstein sock puppet! Anything which has an Einstein sock puppet is bound to be awesome.

And that led me to his Rolling in the deep parody. Again, didn't understand much. But this one was pretty awesome too. (I hate that word. And I don't know why I keep using it. I need to find some alternatives to awesome)

Saturday, September 7, 2013

A Review of a Movie I haven't watched- Shuddh Desi Romance

I don't know why I'm here. I have nothing to write. I'm drawing a blank here.
So here's a load of links! Happy clicking, bitches.
Bee Orchid comic thingy
Paper sculpture awesomeness
Deep stuff about love and passion

Oh, wait. I can write a movie review. So there's Zanjeer and Shuddh Desi Romance. I'll go with Shuddh Desi Romance. Because I don't know what "zanjeer" means. 

But there is one tiny problem. I haven't watched the movie. But I won't let that stop me! I have seen the promos. That's all I need, right? Who wants to watch a shitty movie and then write a review about it? That's so lame. Anybody can do that. So here goes.

The best part of the movie-going experience is popcorn. The popcorn had the right balance of crunchiness and thermocoleyness. Good start.

 The man sitting next to me was quite the fun guy. We kept nudging each other when the movie got boring and had a round of elbow pushing. And you know how men sit with their legs open, taking up too much of leg space. I wanted some leg space too. So there was a lot of foot-fighting too. And then he'd guffaw at an unfunny joke. Not to be outdone, I'd try to out-decibel his laughter. I won. Mostly because he didn't know it was a Who-can-laugh-the-loudest-at-the-shitty-joke contest. At the end of the movie, we exchanged numbers and promised to go on a movie date. I'm waiting for your call, movie date guy!

The movie is about a pleasantly plump girl whose dream is to marry Prince Charming and to dry clothes with him on the terrace. Enter Sushant Rajput, the stubbled and vested desi Prince Charming. He's the local bad-ass who has an umbrella fetish. He sees an umbrella and his man part gives a standing ovation. Neon green umbrellas are his favorite.

Our plump heroine (Parineeti Chopra, I guess) is always prepared. She always carries an umbrella (which happens to be a bright neon green. What are the odds of that happening?) with her. It's quite predictable really, plump girl gets caught in an unexpected shower, opens neon green umbrella, Sushant gets an erection. How romantic. Oh, and he never wastes an erection. They get freaky on the terrace (in the rains. Really sizzling sex scene. Highly recommended. Made me rain.)

Everything's hunk dory till the second bitch comes into his life. This time, with an even brighter and greener umbrella than the one Parineeti owns. This Sushant character is torn between the two. Plump girl is really amazing in the sack, and second bitch has a sexy bright neon green umbrella. The movie's about the conflict between his love for mind blowing sex and his fetish for neon green umbrellas.

Will sex triumph over fetish? Who will our desi vested hero choose?

(He chooses plump girl. Plump girl steals second bitch's neon green umbrella. And they lived happily ever after. Now you don't need to watch the movie. You're welcome.)