Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Mon chat

My cat died and I'm feeling awful.
Well, okay, I lied.
I don't have a cat. And my non-existent cat did not die.
Well, it did. I certainly feel like it did. If I had a cat and it died, I'd feel like I do now.
Or not.
I don't like cats. So I wouldn't feel like crap if it decided to fucking die on me.
Or maybe I would. I wouldn't have a cat if I didn't like him.
So yes, my cat died and I feel terrible.

Deep breath.
(Some sobbing while listening to sad music)

I really loved my cat, you know? He understood me so well, and sometimes not at all. He never knew how to cheer me up but I was glad he tried. He loved me so much and I loved him too. I still do. Even if he decided to fucking die on me.

I don't know if I'll love a cat as much as I loved him. No cat could replace him.

Sir Ramsay, I hope Cat Heaven is treating you well. 

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Write something, anything!

Okay, I'm going to be brave today and write something. I will not close this window because I have nothing to say. I shall be Kim Kardashian*. Minus the sex tape. And Kanye West.

I shall also be French. Because Garance DorĂ©
That reminds me, I need to brush up on my french. Duolingo, you foxy owl, you. 

When in doubt, list it
So, I'll be reading a bunch of stuff and writing about it every day occasionally this week
Here are the titles of my future posts:
1. Potato Salad Kickstarter 
2. The reproductive system of a kangaroo
3. The Quit-your-job-and-do-what-you-love wave
4. The perfect recipe for viral content
5. "Be yourself" and other moronic things people say
6. Bees
7. Why I don't use Facebook (I know, done to death. But I want to whine about Facebook too!)

This strip explains my relationship with that pesky social networking website.

I signed up for Facebook because I did want to cultivate interpersonal relationships. Also, I wanted to become less island-ey. But then, out of nowhere, stupid cats popped up in my news feed. So did selfies taken by narcissistic girls and the stupid comments accompanying them. And those typos!

Guess number 7 on my list is done! That sure was easy!

*I shall embrace my air-headed bimbo persona and write something positively frothy and thoughtless, in effect creating nothing out of nothing.